Nourris un cochon et il viendra chier sur ton balcon

Histoire de vous remonter le moral pendant la dépression saisonnière, voici une capsule humoristique digne des plus grands moments d'humour drôle des comiqueries du Québec grôle, comme dit mon deuxième.
C'est grôle en calasse.

Voyez le lien ( quel crisse de site de toton du 20e siècle qui ne permet pas d'intégrer une vidéo sur un blog... Bravo.) :
http://www.lapresse.ca/videos/actualites/201302/27/46-1-des-journalistes-bouscules-par-la-police.php/5f34d8bb6f914506ae47982f68bcc510

Pourquoi c'est drôle? Parce que, simonac, les journalistes de CKUT ont à peu près tous des partiels depuis six mois à force de s'être fait défoncer les dents par les matraqueurs. Et qu'est-ce que les « vrais journalistes » faisaient pour les défendrent?
Ça :

 

Des sondages bidons pour continuer à faire travailler les forces patibulaires à temps triples.

Je ne vois qu'une chose à répondre, et pour être sûr d'être bien compris, je citerai le toujours très juste Surprenant Claude, collègue de travail très estimé, de moi :
Queul yab les crosse.

Et Pauline, ton jupon dépasse.

Heureusement, il nous reste la jeunesse

Aujourd'hui, en mangeant mon samouiche, j'ai entendu ce genre de sophisme:
«Y auront yenk à bouère une biére de moins par 'hour.»
Je répondrai ceci:
«Touche pas à ma biére.»

Comiqueries II

Louis CK.
C'est un ami qui m'a montré ça.
J'imagine, encore une fois, que tout le monde le connait, que ça c'est envoyé ça à tour de bras à job l'année passée.
Tout cas.
Y avait ben longtemps que j'avais pas ri de si bon coeur.
Je pourrais mettre des vidéos de lui jusqu'à dimanche prochain, et qui m'en empêchera, eh, qui?

Comiqueries

Moué les comiques, ça m'énarve.
Sauf quand y sont drôles.
Je ne connaissais pas grand chose d'Abbott et Costello, tout comme je ne connais pas grand chose encore des Frères Marx.
En attendant, Qui est au premier but?

Fou rire!

Question d'un gros cave à une chanteuse populaire à grosses boules:
— Est-ce que tu écris tes propres chansons?
— Ça l'arrive.

Pas de panique

Heille, toi, le jeune!
Tu t'interroges?
Tu te demandes quelle est ta place dans cette société?
Je t'entends te demander si tu es normal, ou si c'est le système qui est fucké.
Et bien, j'ai la réponse pour toi!
Sache que:


Il suffit de choisir la bonne porte, les bonnes ouvertures.
Bonne chance à toi, le jeune!

D'oh!

Ben kein

Scusez l'anglais.
Voici George Carlin.
Le jour où y en aura un comme lui au Québec, peut-être que je paierai pour aller voir un comique.




(...)There's a reason that education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get any better, don't look for it. Be happy with what you've got. Because the owners of this country don't want that. I'm talking about the real owners now, the big, wealthy, business interests that control all things and make the big decisions.

Forget the politicians, they're irrelevant.

Politicians are put there to give you that idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land, they own and control the corporations, and they've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the State Houses, and the City Halls. They've got the judges in their back pockets. And they own all the big media companies so they control just about all the news and information you get to hear.

They've got you by the balls.

They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want; they want more for themselves and less for everybody else. But I'll tell you what they don't want—they don't want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don't want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They're not interested in that. That doesn't help them. That's against their interest. You know something, they don't want people that are smart enough to sit around their kitchen table and figure out how badly they're getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fucking years ago.

They don't want that, you know what they want?

They want obedient workers, obedient workers. People who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork and just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and the vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it.

And now they're coming for your social security money.

They want your fucking retirement money; they want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. And you know something? They'll get it. They'll get it all from you sooner or later because they own this fucking place. It's a big club and you ain't in it! You and I are not in the Big Club. By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you in the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to believe, what to think and what to buy.

The table is tilted folks, the game is rigged.

Nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. Good honest hard working people, white collar, blue collar, it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on. Good honest hard working people continue, these are people of modest means, continue to elect these rich cocksuckers who don't give a fuck about them. They don't give a fuck about you. They don't give a fuck about...give a fuck about you! They don't care about you at all, at all, at all.

And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care.

That's what the owners count on, the fact that Americans are and will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. Because the owners of this country know the truth, it's called the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.